Sunday, December 28, 2014
Friday, December 12, 2014
b!gger f!sh books autumn catalog 2014
b!gger f!sh books, !nc.
autumn catalog 2014
check it out!
you don't have to buy it!
it's free!
go to
blurb.com
and click on this image:
you can peruse all the
b!gger f!sh books!
or...just click here:
go now!
<")))><
Sunday, November 23, 2014
[the hacks are almost here]
It was a dark and stormy night.
Well, it wasn’t really all that dark. And it wasn’t all that stormy, actually. It wasn‘t even nighttime yet. In fact, there was a considerable amount of light beaming down from the sky. But there was a storm brewing in the distance, somewhere off the coast; a storm that had a damn good chance of rolling inland. Well, eventually. That is, if the wind kicked it in the right direction.
But when this story began, it wasn’t all that stormy. At least, well, not at that particular moment anyway. There was a cloud or two lingering around, but it didn’t really make it all that dark. But in time, eventually, all of that could change.
So, well, let’s put it this way--there was some darkness and the chance of a storm was rapidly increasing as the day progressed. Night was set to fall in a few more hours, so, eventually, in time, there was a great possibility that it was going to turn into an evening that could potentially be something very close what some would certainly deem to be a dark and stormy night.
But for now, it was, well, something of a somewhat cloudy, hazy, late afternoon that was edging closer to sunset.
And with the clouds and the haze it was hard to tell exactly when sunset would fall. Warren Banali was never quite sure when sunset came on such cloudy and hazy days, and sometimes they were lingering in the streets before he could get back in time.
Instead of referring to the handsome gold watch that Warren Banali wore on his wrist, he used the lifetime habit of judging nightfall by the sky. But dammit, on those cloudy days, especially on those cloudy and hazy days, that method just didn’t seem to work. That was
why he chose to stay very close to the house on such days. On those damn cloudy and hazy days, you never knew when they were coming.
They?
They who?
When who were coming?
To anyone reading this for the first time, which is most of you [if you’ve even made it this far without flushing it or rushing back to the bookstore to get your money back…] you’ll be somewhat intrigued, if not infuriated, at the mention of the vague they earlier on this page and the page prior. Some of you will wonder if it’s a typo, if it was intended that way. And if so, why. What’s with the mysterious they’s? And if you are thinking things like that, well, then you might be contemplating:
They?
They who?
When who were coming?
Well, this mention of the they’s is intended to be mysterious; so very cryptic, of course, you know, one of those teasers that is supposed to drive readers crazy. Something that is designed to make them (yes, in this case, readers like you) read on, for it is the suspense that drives them, er…YOU!, to turn page…
after page…
after page…
after page…
You know, teasers. Those cheesy little gimmicks, those pathetic tricks concocted by those bastards in the publishing industry who simply want to make more money. Sadly, that’s what it’s about, after all. You know, making money. So, teasers, those particular teasers, they are simply mindless ways to make more money from people like, well, you!
And since the author of this particular book you are holding right now is one of the lowest rungs on the literary totem pole [if not the very lowest] and has virtually no backbone what-so-ever when standing up for his own work and characters and style, then such teasers do exist. And, of course, will continue to happen throughout this book. Yeah, get used to it. Go ahead…now would be a perfect time to flip this book over, turn this chunk of nonsense, over and take a gander at the picture of the punk on the back. Or, well, maybe you need to flip to one of the last pages of the book…somewhere near the back. I’m sure somewhere this a picture. Go ahead. You know you want to! But, look, before you do, I promise you, it isn’t pretty.
So, listen, take my advice, heed my warning, it might be wise to just stick to the text and completely disregard my suggestion for checking out the punk that wrote this bag of shite.
You looked, didn’t you?
Uh huh.
I knew it!
Pretty frightening, right?
Look, I know how strange this might seem, a writer addressing YOU, the reader. Makes you feel rather uncomfortable, doesn’t it? Sure, it’s always implied [or is it inferred?] that the writer is writing directly for you, and in many ways speaking to you, but this way, this highly unusual in-your-face direct way of talking directly to you has got to be rather unsettling, especially for a work of fiction. Feel weird, don’t you? But for some reason you can’t quite explain, you just can’t put this book down.
Can you?
You are entranced…enthralled…intrigued.
Go ahead…admit it. You like it. You like me talking to you. It makes you feel important. It makes it feel like this book is tailor-made especially for YOU and only you…and no one else in the entire universe. You’ve got to admit it, I’m making you feel all tingly inside. Come on, just admit it.
Uh huh…you’re welcome!
Anyway…back to the story.
Okay…where was I? That’s right…Warren Banali.
So, let’s go back to the start. Warren Banali and the not-so dark and stormy night.
Instead of referring to the handsome gold watch that Warren Banali wore on his wrist, [we’re back to the story here, by the way…] he, that’s Warren Banali, of course, used the lifetime habit of judging nightfall by the sky, but dammit, on those damn cloudy and hazy days, that method just didn’t seem to work. That was why he chose to stay very close to the house on such days. On those damn cloudy and hazy days, you never knew when they were coming.
Yeah, that paragraph should seem familiar to you. It first appeared a few pages back. I’m just trying to get you back into this with a little refresher. Don’t take it as an insult to your intelligence.
It’s simply to make sure you are on the right path. All these tangents might make you a little crazy. They might. And if they’re annoying now, woah, they are only going to get worse. So, if you want to chuck this annoying bag of crap, you can right now, and seemingly guilt-free since you’re only about ten or so pages in.
Okay, you were warned! Still want to continue?
Anyway, on those damn cloudy and hazy days, you never knew when they were coming.
And there it is again…they.
They.
Who is this mysterious they?
And how many times will it be written without revealing who they are?
Maybe ten. Maybe twenty. Maybe a thousand.
Keep reading and you’ll find out.
I AM CLICHE
a new novel
by
J. Todd Wilson
available @
blurb.com
Tuesday, November 25!
<")))><
Friday, November 21, 2014
[a possibly, seemingly unnecessary note from the author]
[A POSSIBLY, SEEMINGLY UNNECESSARY
NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR]
This book started as a spoof... a fun, minor, non-threatening exercise that I never thought would blossom into anything larger than maybe a few pages. I was standing in a bookstore... aching to write something humorous... and there it was, I Am Legend, resting on the best-selller list... looking at me, winking at me, waving... mocking... I figured it would be the perfect vehicle for me to vent my frustrations on all the campy, cheesy, simply awful vampire/zombie books that were saturating the market. Spoofing I Am Legend was...ans still is...my excuse to spew my thoughts and opinions on how there are some brutally painful books out there that, in my opinion, are taking up valuable shelf space from other writers who are far, far more worthy... Richard Matheson, of course, being just one of many worthy candidates who are so often overlooked.
That was my intention. To pay respect. To show love. A few minor jabs here and there, but all out of love. Isn't mockery the most sincerest form of flattery?
So, to those of who you who have lit your torches and are ready to storm my castle for being disrespectful, horrible, wicked, an absolute heathen who has committed the most offensive of all crimes, please extinguish them... return home... re-read I Am Cliche... or, probably, read it for the first time... understand my intentions were, and still are...pure. It is because I love
I Am Legend... not because I loathe it... that my book came to fruition.
I have great faith that most of you who have read my book will completely understand and that this page is simply not necessary. But... just in case... if there was any lingering doubt...
Peace and love and mountains upon mountains of nothing but the greatest respect.
I AM CLICHE
by J. Todd Wilson
available @ blurb.com
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
the hacks are coming!
the hacks are coming!
the hacks are coming!
prepare yourself...
be ready...
hurry!
hurry!
stop reading this!
seek shelter as fast as you possibly can!
a massive hurricane of cliches are
wildly approaching!
barreling and roaring in...
from out of the blue!
faster than a speeding bullet!
faster than the speed of light!
more powerful than a runaway freight train!
they are coming!
the hacks!
the hacks are coming!
coming november 25, 2014!
available at blurb.com
exclusively!
okay...you were warned.
<")))><
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
a dirt cheap way to get some [k!ck]s
If you like books...
and you like to save pennies...
this is the perfect deal for you!
My book
[k!ck]
and my book
[spooky]
are now available as e-books!
They are on sale right now for a mere
$2.99 a book.
can you beat that?
shut up...no you can't!
That's $2.99
per book!
So...go to
and peruse J. Todd Wilson's bookstore...
find the book you want...
then click.
In seconds,
you will be able to read my books on your
Nook,
Kindle,
iPad,
iPhone,
iPod...
or whatever other technological
iBell and iWhistle you have.
In honor of last month being anti-bullying month,
I am donating a colossal portion of the proceeds
to some of my favorite anti-bullying programs.
Maybe...
possibly...
together...
we can help spread more awareness about
bullying...
and, perhaps,
find some way to crush a few bullies along the way.
would that be so wrong?
So, come on...
join me...
let's
[k!ck]
some bullies!
<")))><
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
[k!ck] + [spooky] e-books...available now!
So, finally, after all these years...
I have finally joined the rest of the technological world...
and...
converted some of my books into...
[drum roll, please]
e-books!
Woah!
[insert lots of confetti here]
I know!
can you believe it?
Finally...I have arrived...
decided to offer my books to a much wider audience.
[Cue Gwen Stefani's "Whatcha Waiting For?" right here!]
So...to those of you who have never read any of my books...
which is most of you...
or, to any of you who want to see my books pop with a nice technological buzz...
go to blurb.com
and order...
[k!ck]
and/or
[spooky]
available now!
<")))><
Sunday, October 26, 2014
Go Team Scotty! Go!
Step out!
Well, we did just that...
...stepped out...
...did our part to make some sort of difference...
...raising money [as well as walking early in the morning] to help others...those who need our help.
Go us! Go Team Scotty!
Yesterday the WALK TO STOP DIABETES took place at Huizenga Park in Fort Lauderdale...bright and early at 8 o'clock...under a cloudless sky!
Tons of people came out to support the cause...341 teams...2,075 walkers, according to the Step Out Walk for Diabetes website. Even though the event raised a colossal $276,306, the event was a bit shy of reaching its goal of $364,000 this year. Donations are still available through the Step Out website...and through the American Diabetes Association website.
[This year's goal: $364,000.00 | Raised $276,306.63]
Even though the event did not reach its goal, Team Scotty did. By nine o'clock yesterday morning, Team Scotty had raised an amazing $1,208. Yeehaw! Quite an accomplishment for us since our official announcement for joining in this year was only two weeks ago. Two weeks.
In two mere weeks, we raised all that money!
Wow! Our goal was small, something reachable...a mere $200. The goal bar was kept pretty low considering time was our enemy this year. And, sure enough, we shattered it!
By the end of the walk, donations were still coming in...pushing the grand total of our goal even higher...to an amazing $1,080. Wow...continued!
Big thanks go to Lynn Wilson, Michelle Wilson, Jon and Linda Wilson, Jen Partridge, Cheryl Barrios, and Raphael and his father [sorry, don't know their last names. I guess if I was any good at blogging I would research it]...for getting up early, coming out and supporting Team Scotty in person.
Also, huge thank you's go out to all of you who donated your generous gifts to Team Scotty...for helping us meet our goal...for helping us get one step closer to finding a cure for diabetes.
<")))><
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
wilson: [an excerpt of] k!ck
wilson: [an excerpt of] k!ck: "I was falling. Drifting. Spiraling. Down through this wicked suffocating darkness. Pulling it over my weathered flesh like a ...
Sunday, October 19, 2014
k!ck a bully!
Hey, ya'all!
So, here's my latest fund-raising endeavor...
October is
STOP BULLYING MONTH!
Let's all stand up to bullies and bullying.
Stop being a victim!
Put on an empowering T-shirt...
and stand up to those jerks!
<")))><
<")))><
I went to an awesome website...
[thanks to the amazing suggestion by Jen Partridge]
and I let my imagination go crazy.
After some minor kicking + screaming...
I, eventually,
had the picture you see at the top of this very blog...
on a T-shirt.
Now, you too, can purchase one!
Yay!
Again, all the proceeds go to the
STOP BULLYING
campaign.
For the money to get to them, though,
I have to sell 40 shirts.
At the moment, since it opened this morning...
I have sold about 8 shirts.
I am so excited right now!
I wasn't sure if 40 was too much...
but now, after a few hours,
I think I can do it.
Anyway...
if you're interested...
check out this link...
http://teespring.com/kickabully#pid=2&cid=2122&sid=front
<")))><
Thursday, October 16, 2014
wilson: [an excerpt of] k!ck
wilson: [an excerpt of] k!ck: "I was falling. Drifting. Spiraling. Down through this wicked suffocating darkness. Pulling it over my weathered flesh like a ...
[an excerpt of] k!ck
"I was falling.
Drifting.
Spiraling.
Down through this wicked suffocating darkness. Pulling it over my weathered flesh like a soft thick blanket. There was a unique yet familiar ease that passed through me. Crawling through my heart
and lungs. The pale like skeletal outlines of his chalky cheekbones emerged through the twisted shadows.
His smooth silky
yet scratchy cape
brushed against my cold flesh.
Breathe. Breathe. Keep breathing. Even if for just a moment. Breathe. Breathe.
And I knew. More than ever before. That it was the final piece of our ultimate plan. I caught his coal black lifeless eyes flickering.
Blinking.
Shimmering in my gaze for like the last time.
It was finally time for me to die."
read more...
k!ck
[re-designed + re-shellacked]
available @
blurb.com
it's national stop-bullying month!
what better way to celebrate the month than buying a copy
for your favorite bully!
<")))><
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
re-k!cked
[re-k!cked]
hello.
once again...i am back.
i keep doing this...
starting...then stopping...
starting...then stopping...
never committing myself to the blogosphere...
never staying long enough to figure out what it is that so many people love about this place.
however...
i feel more determined than ever...
to really stay with this...
to make some attempt to reach people with my books.
i do feel that i have something to say.
it may not be what you want to hear...
but i do have a voice.
so...
here we go...
once again...
to commemorate, yet another attempt at blogging...
i am re-re-re-re-releasing my first book...
k!ck
to the world!
i guess you could say i am "k!cking" things off here, huh?
[sorry.
lame pun there.
but you were thinking it.
come on...you know you were!]
anyway...
i have gone through the old version of
k!ck
+ made some changes..
more visual changes than anything else.
the story is,
for the most part,
still intact.
but i have designed it to look more like a journal...
something i always wanted to do
but publishamerica...
[my first publisher]
only had a certain number of fonts + designs at the time.
in ten years...
things have changed a bit.
so...here it is...
the new + improved
k!ck.
re-designed
re-fonted
re-tweaked
re-shellacked
to those of you interested in
re-reading it...
[or, well, just reading it for the first time...]
go to
and order it.
yes...
this fresh blog entry is simply about promoting my book...
a book i wrote back in 2003...
about a troubled young man
who turns to Death
to help save his life.
i have nothing more to say.
i will let my book speak for itself.
for now...anyway.
feel free to post something here.
feel free to provide some feedback.
i am ready to listen...
ready to hear what you have to say.
i may not like it...
but my ears are open.
<")))><
Monday, March 31, 2014
wilson: hello, spooky!
wilson: hello, spooky!: check check...one two... check check... is this thing on? hello? okay... so...here we go... i am back to blogging once more...one more tim...
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